Bad Romance
by slaygirl190
Summary: SLASH. It was demeaning enough being John Cena's rebound guy but it was even worse being his dirty little secret. Past John/Randy.
1. Chapter 1

_Disclaimer: As always nothing in this fic belongs to me. It's all property of the WWE even if they are the sort of owners that have a crazy dog, overgrown hedges and play their music loud enough to shake the window panes._

**Bad Romance**

It killed me that I couldn't even glare at John properly. It was demeaning enough being John Cena's rebound guy but it was even worse being his dirty little secret. As far as everyone backstage was concerned John had a perfect match and it certainly wasn't me. Right now that man was sitting across from John in catering with his admittedly adorable daughter Alanna sitting in his lap giggling at something John had said. Randy Orton was lucky his daughter was there because I was seriously tempted to leap over the table and strangle him until his drug-addled head turned blue.

When John and Orton got together everyone said they had seen their relationship coming from a mile away. They had a natural chemistry that was visible to everyone. It was only a few weeks after Orton and his wife Sam had officially separated that he and John revealed their relationship. No one knew if John had been the cause of the split between Orton and his wife but it couldn't have been all that acrimonious of a breakup if Orton still had joint custody of his daughter and not a hint of his and John's new relationship had turned up on TMZ.

It lasted for a sickeningly sweet 4 months, every day of which I wanted to slap the Anaconda Vise on Orton and toss his body in a dumpster behind some arena. I had always kept my circle of friends in the WWE small. My admittedly difficult disposition made making new friends unlikely. Most people didn't even attempt to get on my very slim good side but John Cena was not most people. John's friendliness knew no bounds and an offhand statement during my now epic promo about liking John better than most of the guys in the back seemed to give him implicit permission to make me his new best friend, following me backstage after my mic had been cut and trying the strike up a conversation. I was almost happy when I had been suspended indefinitely because it meant I wouldn't have John trying to pointlessly make friends every time I turned around. When he stood up to McMahon and got both my suspension lifted and my title match reinstated he seemed to think that would get him in my good graces, which it didn't. He followed that up by acting like some heroic boy scout and preventing McMahon and Laurinaitis from screwing me at Money in the Bank even if it meant he walked into a GTS and lost his title.

I was ready to take the WWE Championship to Ring of Honor when Triple H contacted me and tried to sign me to a new contract. I said no without giving it another thought but it was Colt that convinced me to swallow my pride and call Triple H and commit to a new contract. Colt said that I had spent too many years hanging on to my tenuous position in the WWE to throw it all away when it looked like I was so close to gaining the success I had been working so hard for. I tried to humiliate John when I confronted him in the ring my first night back but he just smiled. I needled him endlessly on Raw in the lead up to SummerSlam, setting him off a few times but his anger never lasted.

In the end it wasn't his niceness that won me over but a glimpse of the ass John Cena could be when properly motivated. I was pissed as hell after Nash attacked me and del Rio cashed in on me. When I finally cornered Triple H I found that John had already gotten there before me and was tearing Triple H a new one for missing his foot on the ropes. He was crossing lines that I had never even thought to cross. I just stood there dumbfounded until it was clear John was about 5 seconds away from hitting Triple H and I dragged a protesting John away. We spent the night in his room mocking Triple H endlessly and venting our shared loathing of del Rio. It was a side of John Cena I had never thought existed much less mirrored my own less than admirable qualities. We stayed up all night coming to an agreement that we would both make sure that del Rio got what he deserved, the best man coming away with the title. John made good on our deal beating del Rio at Night of Champions but del Rio, with his rented cars and his grating ring announcer, would just not go away.

In the lead up to Hell in a Cell the chemistry everyone was talking about was not John and Orton's but John and mine. We were seamless in the ring whether it was cutting promos or getting a little physical. Even the Wrestling Observer agreed giving our Money in the Bank match 5 stars, a feat that hadn't been achieved in the WWE since 1997. In the end we both ended up getting screwed at Hell in a Cell but when I won the title back from del Rio at Survivor Series John was just as excited as I was, almost as if he had won it himself.

We both still hung out mainly with our very separate groups of friends, Randy Orton included in John's circle, but we seemed to gravitate towards one and other, hanging out just the two of us more often than not. I can't say if it was opposites attracting, or his dimples, or his mouthwatering body or his innate goodness that was missing from my life but I fell for him so gradually that I was completely in love with him before I even knew it had even begun. We were both openly gay and I thought that John's friendly affection could possibly be more; that he felt for me what I felt for him, but I was wrong. Of all the confidences that we shared, the fact that his heart belonged to Randy Orton never came up and in a way the beginning of their relationship was all my fault.

John came back from his short time off around Tables, Ladder and Chairs elated. Even though it killed me to hear the details John was so happy he had no problem sharing them, not realizing he was crushing me with every word. Orton had flown down to Tampa to see John and told him that he realized that he was in love with him because all the time that they were spending apart; all those times he was with me. He missed having John all to himself. I had unknowingly incited Orton to action and it fucking killed me. I thought hearing John gush was painful, but I had no idea how much worse it could get.

I had to watch for 4 months as John and Randy became the perfect WWE power couple. I had to grit my teeth every time Orton touched and kissed the man I was in love with but the most horrific thing was when Orton brought Alanna backstage. Together they were the perfect little family. I had never thought to want those things for myself until I saw them together and realized that Orton had everything I could never have with John. I had always despised Orton but now I knew what it was to truly hate. John and I spent progressively less time together until it withered away to almost nothing. Our friendship would have completely died if it had not been for Chris Jericho. Seeing Jericho attempt to destroy me emotionally brought John back to me in some small way. Our fraying friendship was saved by Jericho and his devious actions because, in John's words, he didn't like to see me hurt. That sentence devasted me more than any thing Jericho could throw at me.

When John showed up at my hotel room after WrestleMania with a stricken look on his face. I wondered why John was coming to me and not Orton after his loss to the Rock but I let him in without hesitation. John forced out that it wasn't the Rock that had brought John to my door but Orton. He had broken up with John after they came back to the hotel. Orton was going back to his wife to try to patch up their fractured family. I knew that had to be the deepest wound because John probably thought they were building a family together with Alanna.

When John kissed me I didn't push him away. When he stripped me bare of my clothes and covered my body with his I didn't say no. When he came back night after night I never turned him away and when he asked me to keep us a secret I agreed without a second thought. He was upset and vulnerable and the guilt I felt at taking advantage of the situation was agonizing but I didn't think about stopping it for a moment. I loved him too much. I had said the words once but they were only met with silence and I never let them cross my lips again.

Looking across the room the night of the 1,000th episode of Raw at the table the once happy family occupied the appalling truth was finally driven home. It wasn't me that was taking advantage of John. John, making me his dirty little secret, was taking advantage of me. I was ready to wring both of their necks and didn't care who saw when a hand clamped around my bicep and pulled me out of my seat, dragging me out of the room. John and I had kept our relationship a highly guarded secret, but secrets were meant to be found out and the most unlikely person had caught me out, forging a most unlikely friendship. A friendship I was completely ungrateful for at the moment when all I wanted was to commit justifiable homicide.

_AN: I know, I know, what in the world am I doing starting another fic while I still have one out there swinging in the wind? Full credit for the premise of this story and title goes to Alicedavidhatter. I was going to let the current angle just pass me by but the story idea was just too good to resist. Secret Life is waaay AU and this is based on current storylines so I hope I can do both justice. Review and let me know if you're interested in the continuation of this story._


	2. Chapter 2

"If you're going to kill Randy Orton I don't think you need a room full of witnesses," Jericho said as he led me down the hall and away from the sickening scene in catering.

"Shouldn't you be somewhere desecrating a flag?"

"Funny. Good to see that you still have a sense of humor when you're feeling homicidal."

"He doesn't care about me at all does he? If he did he wouldn't be clinging to Orton with me sitting 10 feet away."

"What did I tell you the night that I caught you sneaking out of his room? There was never a chance that you were going to end up anything but hurt. John's not doing it on purpose because he's not that type of person but he probably doesn't have any idea that he's hurting you. Not because he's ignorant but because your feelings are not the ones he cares the most about. It was always Orton and it's always going to be Orton. You and Orton are as different as night and day which is probably the entire reason John sought you out in the first place."

"I can't just sit there and be humiliated no matter how much I love him. Chris, what do I do?"

"Break it off and break it off now before it gets even worse."

"How could it possibly get worse?"

"He could already be back together with Orton."

"Do you think he's cheating on me?"

"He seemed awfully familiar with someone who broke his heart only a few short months ago."

"That's even worse than not caring about me. That's blatant disrespect for me as a person. Maybe I deserve to be disrespected. I let him use me and never complained once. As if that wasn't bad enough I have to wrestle him tonight for the title."

"No one deserves to be treated like that, no matter what fucked up agreement you submitted to. I think it says a lot that he is willing to cash in on you even though you're supposed to be together. I know how much this can hurt; I made a fool of myself for Shawn for long enough. You need to cut and run, if only to stop him from hurting you more than he already has. Listen, the show's about to start…"

"I'm not going back to catering and I'm not going back to the locker rooms. The Rock and his entourage are back there. Having to bow down to the great one isn't on my to do list."

"Well, I'm not going anywhere near the arena entrance with DX opening the show. Triple H still looks at me like I'm some sort of pathetic love struck loser."

"Monitor bay? The impending nuptials of two people with tenuous grips on reality at best should be entertaining."

"Can we mock them relentlessly?"

"CM Punk and Chris Jericho? What the hell else are we going to do?"

We made our way through the winding hallways, passing catering once again. Like a glutton for punishment I glanced into the room and caught sight of the happy family once again. The only difference was that John saw me looking and stared me down as Chris threw his arm around my shoulder, practically dragging me away from the room and the emotional train wreck it caused.

We made our way to the monitor bay, filled with current and past wrestlers alike. We headed straight toward no-man's land where one person was seated with a gulf of empty chairs surrounding him. Chris and I could give a fuck what anyone else thought, after all, we were both Paul Heyman guys.

"Punk, Chris, how are you on this fine evening?"

"Amazed that the fans still want to see DX even though these guys are closer to the early bird special than they are to their 20's," Chris said venomously.

"Chris…chill. It's not their fault the WWE is run out of Linda McMahon's campaign office and the Attitude era is long gone," I responded, finding it hilarious that he still could still be a vicious little ass when anything Shawn-related was brought up. I didn't need a decade of distance between John and me. I was bitter enough about the situation right now. As if one cue John walked into the monitor bay. He smiled but the expression was wiped off his face when I returned his smile with a glare. He waved me over but I was in no mood to play platonic friends right now. He wouldn't dare come near me; not when I was with Chris and Paul. He hated them both and right now I could care less.

We watched the show together, laughing our asses off the entire time. Between Chris' brutal put-down's and Paul's smarmy comments my mood was lifted somewhat. When AJ left Daniel at the altar to be the new Raw GM both Paul and Chris looked at me while Daniel went absolutely crazy in the ring, tearing the wedding paraphernalia apart.

"I know you can't resist this," Paul said with a wry smile.

"You know me too well. Let's see if I can't make an already bad situation even worse," I said standing up and making my way to the arena entrance. I passed AJ skipping down the hall, smirking evilly, the train of her dress hitched up over her arm so her Chucks were visible. She waved and kept on skipping. I took a few steps forward but turned back around when I heard a high-pitched giggle. AJ had gone around the corner but her discarded veil was still floating to the floor. AJ was an attractive sort of mental but I couldn't even imagine what Raw was going to be like with her at the helm.

I made my way to the arena entrance, going through the curtain as my music hit. I was obviously the last person Daniel wanted to see at the moment. Raw 1,000 already had 2 destroyed relationships left in its wake and it wasn't even half over yet. It didn't take much to push Daniel even farther over the edge. I was having a ball until music that I absolutely loathed played through the arena. What in the fucking hell was the Rock doing here? I doubt he even knew who Daniel was; he was so wrapped up in himself. I hated to be interrupted but it was a thousand times worse when his majesty was doing it. He swanned about the ring as if Daniel and I weren't even there. I just leaned against the turnbuckle, seething.

He taunted Daniel for a while and then finally acknowledged my existence. When he announced that he would be getting a title shot at the Royal Rumble I was ready to kill. It didn't help that the crowd erupted when the Rock made his announcement. The WWE Universe were fickle bitches when they wanted to be. I might as well been the Divas Champion for all the respect they were showing me. I don't know how John put up with the Rock for a whole year because after 5 minutes I was ready to kick him into unconsciousness. Even when he wished me luck by saying he hoped I would kick ass that night I knew it was more about sticking it to John than it was about me.

Waiting for me in the gorilla position was the man himself. I blew past John, knowing he wouldn't touch me. When we were just friends he would touch me all the time but since our secret relationship began he wouldn't lay a hand on me in public unless it was absolutely necessary.

"Punk…listen…" I stopped dead in my tracks. Not because I wanted to hear him out but because he had called me Punk. I had given him permission to call me Phil but he never would. Every time he said my nickname and not my given name it stung. I turned around and walked closer to him. At this range I couldn't tell if I wanted to shove him or kiss him. This was such a fucking mess and I needed to get the hell away from him and get ready for our match.

"No, you listen Mrs. Orton. There's nothing you can say right now that I want to hear, you cuddling up to Orton was more than enough. You want to follow him around like a kicked puppy that's your choice but don't expect me to keep waiting in the shadows. We're done. See you in the ring."

"Punk…" John choked out. "You don't understand about Randy…it's not what you think."

"You can't tell me what to think! I may have done everything you've ever asked me to and never complained once but that stops now. If you even cared about me at all you would never ask me to keep us a secret. You're out, so it's not being gay, it's just being with me. You can't have the whole WWE knowing you're slumming with CM Punk."

"Phil…"

"Don't even try it. You think you can finally call me Phil and this will all just evaporate? Don't throw me a bone like I'm your dog. You've degraded and disrespected me enough. I'm not your pet. See you in the ring…don't forget your briefcase."

_AN: So I really want you guys to like this story. Enjoy the double update._


	3. Chapter 3

When I stormed back into the monitor bay and took my seat next to Chris I could tell from his expression that he knew something had gone down. I leaned close to Chris so that no one could hear us, "I broke it off."

"You did the right thing."

"Did I?"

"It might not feel like it right now but when he…"

"When he what, Chris?"

"When he's walking around glued to Orton's side at least you'll know you saved yourself a world of hurt."

"Whether I'm with him or not it's still going to hurt, you know that."

"I'm just trying to make you feel better."

"Well, you suck at it Jericho. Stick to sparkly jackets and being a pseudo rock star."

"Pseudo nothing. I am a rock star. I'm the best in the world at everything I do."

"Except beating me."

"If you weren't broken hearted I would take you out back and thrash you."

"Why are we even friends?"

"We're too alike for our own good. It's the bond of two guys who tried to beat each other silly."

"We make better friends than enemies."

"That we do. Look, Paul's on."

We turned our attention to the screen as Paul talked himself right into a slap fight with Stephanie McMahon after accepting the match with Triple H at SummerSlam on behalf of Lesnar. Lesnar was a sticky topic. I was glad to have Paul around but wished he was setting up matches and not the mouthpiece for the English challenged Lesnar. Chris and I both loathed Lesnar but we never brought it up to Paul's face. Chris had never had much respect for Lesnar and I hated him for what he had done to John. Even though John and I were over that opinion was unlikely to change. Paul never came back to the monitor bay. He was probably being pursued by Lesnar who now found himself in a match he didn't want.

The camera finally found John and the Rock wasn't far behind. I watched as they both basically cut me out of the picture, talking about the rematch they would have at the Royal Rumble. They were completely discounting me as any sort of threat. I could care less what the Rock thought of me but seeing how quickly John had taken to belittling me on worldwide TV made my heart twinge. I could yell at him all I wanted but it didn't change the fact that I was still in love with him. Getting clear of John and my secret relationship was going to take longer than I would prefer it to.

When I arrived at the gorilla position John was there waiting with his briefcase. He turned to look at me but I turned my back on him, physically showing him that I wanted nothing to do with him. I desperately wanted to go to the ring, bash him over the head with a chair and walk away with a DQ win. There were times, like now, when I desperately wanted to stop playing the good guy. I was surprised when they queued up John's music first because I was so used to playing the second fiddle where John was concerned. I followed him into the arena. When I got to the ring John was staring at me and his expression was a far cry from his usual juvenile antics. At least it seemed like I had hurt him, even though it was a fraction of the hurt that he had caused me. I couldn't help but smirk. In this ring, in this moment, I knew I had the power to drive the knife in deeper by winning and making him the first person in WWE history to cash in and lose. I sarcastically held out my hand and John practically slapped it away, knowing I was mocking him.

The match started and I knew I was in trouble. Like every other match John and I had, the entire arena seemed to melt away when we were in the ring together. I was so used to putting my hands all over him, performing moves with much more contact than was the norm, and by the way he kept bringing me close I knew he was suffering from the same problem. It would probably take longer to fall out of love with him than it would for us to find some sort of detached professionalism when we were between the ropes.

I finally tossed him to the mat but I didn't follow it up with one of my usual kicks. I just stood over him while he was laid out. He got back to his feet with a smile on his face. Holding myself back in that moment wasn't an act of forgiveness but one of confusion. Unfortunately, by his smile, I knew that John didn't see it that way. I would have to make him see it. He barely got out of the way when I sent a kick flying at his head. The smile was wiped off his face and time seemed to stop. We just stood there staring at each other, neither one making a move against the other. I finally broke the stalemate, meeting him in the middle of the ring. John backed me up into the turnbuckle and pressed his body fully against mine.

"Phil…" he whispered in my ear and I answered him with a knee to the gut. That seemed to piss him off and he came after me, fists flying. I gave as good as I got and put him down again, signaling for the GTS. John was up on my shoulders but maneuvered out, sending me careening into the official. John hit the AA but I didn't even bother to kick out because I knew the official was out of it. John finally moved off me, probably to see to the official. I looked up to see the Big Show at ringside. Like everyone else that night he didn't seem to be concerned with me in the slightest. He was there for John, manhandling him when John got back in the ring. John was down with a fist to the face and I froze in the corner where I was sitting. I got to my feet, torn between seeing if John was alright and getting the official back in the ring so I could end this farce. I left the ring and tried to get the official to come to but I was still confused about what I should do. Last year around this time there wouldn't be a doubt in my mind about what to do. It finally occurred to me that all I had to show from a year's worth of time was a title reign where I was constantly overshadowed by John and the absence of a spine. I leaped on top of John, the official counting the pin but John kicked out.

I could hear the dissent spreading through the crowd like wildfire. I found that I couldn't care less. The past year had brought me nothing but pain and I was done with it all. I had obviously spent too long having a soul-searching moment in the middle of a match when John caught me in the STF. The hold broke through no action by me and I heard the bell ring. I looked up and Big Show was unloading on John. I had been disqualified for Show's interference and I couldn't be more relieved. I just stood there and watched as Show beat John down. Somewhere deep down there was still the instinct to help John and it killed me. I had to turn my back to keep myself from reacting but I could still hear John's cries of pain.

As if on cue, the Rock came running down the ramp and into the ring to save the day. I slid out of the ring and started walking back up the ramp but I stopped. What the hell was I doing, ceding the ring to the Rock who hadn't done a damn thing to deserve the title shot he was getting at the Rumble? Rock set up Show for the People's Elbow but I flew back through the ropes, hitting the Rock with a flying clothesline that left him on the mat flopping like a fish out of water. The crowd went silent with shock but then the boo's started to flow forth when the audience finally grasped what I had done. I stood proud in the ring. I looked at the carnage around me, feeling more like myself than I had in a long time. The Rock struggled to his feet, only to be met with the GTS.

I left the ring with my belt in hand, the crowd's anger at what I had done getting louder and louder. I cleared the curtain and watched the monitor over the shoulder of the backstage tech. Rock and John both struggled to their feet, both men in a state of shock. I wasn't going to turn tail and run from what I had done. I was going to stand there in the gorilla position, looking them both in the eye. Rock came through first and caught sight of me standing there. I waited for the attack to come but the Rock just looked at me as if he had never seen me before.

"See you at the Rumble," the Rock said and walked away.

"Welcome back to the dark side," I heard right before Chris threw his arms around me, laughing his ass off. "You totally laid out the Rock. He looked like you had zapped him with a cattle prod."

"Stop touching him!" I heard John yell as he ripped me from Chris' arms. It seemed that I had finally pushed John to the breaking point. He had never allowed even a hint that something more than platonic frienship existed between us. Chris reached out for my wrist and pulled me back to his side.

"You don't tell me what to do Cena. In fact, you don't get to tell anyone what to do anymore or did you not get the message when Punk dumped your unfaithful ass."

I watched as John's face crumpled in pain as he realized that his disloyalty wasn't as secret as he thought.

"Go back to being Orton's bitch, no one wants you here," Chris said with a sneer, leading me down the hallway and away from John.

Who needs fans when you have a friend like Chris Jericho?

_AN: Thank you all so much for your reviews. I want to thank those of you who told me right up front that you weren't quite sure about this story. I'm just going to have to work harder to win you over. It might take a few chapters so I hope you guys stick with me._


	4. Chapter 4

I was leaving the arena when I heard someone call my name. I turned around to find one of the backstage techs running toward me.

"Punk, I have something you should hear," he said, pressing a flash drive into my hand. "It's the last minute or so of the show with commentary."

"What is it?"

"No way am I going to be in a 5 mile radius when you see that video. I would say see you next week but I don't think you're going to be in a very good mood. I'm on your side in all this."

He walked away hurriedly, like he had just given me a live grenade and he was running for his life. What in the hell was on this video? I thought I had been pushed to the edge tonight but I had a feeling that it was going to get worse. I got in my rental and drove to the hotel, taking the elevator up to my room. Chris had run off to the bar with a couple of guys on the roster. Chris had stopped asking me to accompany him a while ago, knowing I would just be bored and annoyed the whole time, killing his buzz. I had just put my things down when there was a knock on the door. I looked through the peep hole and couldn't believe my eyes.

"Phil, please, let me in, I need to talk to you."

I knew he was completely serious. John had never come to me before. Every time it was me going to him. If he didn't want to see me he just wouldn't call. If I was feeling particularly lonely on those nights I would call him but he seldom answered my calls when I did. If he was outside my door where anyone could see him he must be desperate. I looked through the peep hole again and saw that he didn't look mad, as I would be after what happened tonight at Raw. He looked depressed and a little desperate. I hadn't even begun to strike back at John and if he was stupid enough to come to me then he deserved everything he was about to get. I opened the door and stepped aside to let him in. The second the door shut all the way John lunged at me pulling my face to his and pressing his lips to mine roughly. I froze for a few moments, instinct taking over. I had allowed this action so many times but never with this type of urgency. When his tongue ran across the seam of my lips they opened for him. The second his tongue touched mine my body jolted and I shoved him away from me. John moved towards me again but I stepped back and held my hands up in front of me. I raised my fingers to my lips, holding them there for a few seconds before wiping away the wetness his lips has left behind with the back of my hand.

"Are you out of your fucking mind? I told you to stay away from me."

"No you didn't. Jericho said to stay away from you. You never said…"

"I'm saying it now, stay away."

"Please don't make me."

"I've never been able to make you do anything. It's always been about what you want but not anymore. From here on out it's going to be all about what I want, nothing else."

"I know you still want me."

"I…I…sometimes the things you want are what can hurt you the most and I'm tired of being hurt."

"I never meant to hurt you."

"But you did. You hurt me every single day. You made me keep us a secret. You wouldn't even touch me in public, you would barely speak to me unless you absolutely had to, and to think that I used to feel guilty for taking advantage of you when Orton broke up with you. The only person in this room who should feel guilty is you. I have no idea what your reasons were but you used me. Orton dumped you and you came straight to me. Did you think I was desperate, did you think I was easy?"

"I never thought that. I knew…"

"You knew what?"

"I knew how you felt about me when I came to you…"

"Do…do you know what that makes you…it makes you fucking despicable. Just when I thought you couldn't get any lower, running around with Orton, not even behind my back but right in front of my face, you…"

"No, stop! I'm not cheating on you with Randy. I would never do that."

"Then what was that in catering then? I would absolutely love to hear that explanation, to hear just how fucking pathetic you are."

"Randy just needed a friend."

"And I'm sure you've been the picture of friendliness."

"He…he's getting a divorce…"

"Shut your fucking mouth. I don't want to hear another word from you. Are you happy? You're going to get what you've always wanted, a perfect little family with Orton. I'm so happy to have been a placeholder until the person you really wanted finally came back on the market. I hope he fucking breaks you. From here on out you will not touch me, you will not speak to me unless it is absolutely necessary, which it won't be. You cashed in and lost in more ways than one."

John turned to leave and took a few steps toward the door. He stopped, whipped back around and lunged at me, mashing his lips against mine. I bit down on his lip viciously and John jumped back, bringing his hand to his mouth. I watched as John's hand came back bloody. He looked down at his hand in disbelief and then back up at me. I grinned cruelly. I was too busy gloating when I found myself flat on my back on the carpet, John's weight pinning me down. He lowered his head to kiss me again but I turned my head away so that John's lips grazed my cheek. He tried to turn my head to face him but I managed to keep my face averted. My unwillingness to bend to his will wasn't enough to get him to back off. He took advantage that my neck that was bared to him. He kissed and licked his way up to the patch of skin behind my ear. Months of time spent together in bed meant he knew every one of my most sensitive spots, the areas of my body that were most likely to weaken my resolve. My knees were locked together tighter than a 90 year old virgin spinster's. John's hands gripped my knees wrenching them apart until his body settled between my spread legs. I could feel his erection pressing against my own through layers of clothes. My mind might have been unwilling but my body knew what it wanted and for the better part of a year its drug of choice was John Cena. He started to grind against me and no matter how much I wanted to wrap my arms and legs around him and keep him close my brain was still functional. I let loose a stiff elbow, clipping him on the temple. His body sagged against mine from the force and I threw him off of me. I jumped up, John lying dazed at my feet. I had to resist the urge to kick him in the stomach while he was down.

"Get up and get the fuck out. You try to touch me again and I will end you."

"Phil…" John said plaintively sitting up, his glassy, dazed eyes staring up at me.

"There's the door. Use it."

Enough time passed that I thought I was going to have to bodily drag John to the door and throw his ass out into the hallway but he finally got to his feet. He walked slowly to the door, his hand resting on the handle, and turned back to look at me.

"Phil, I'll give you whatever you want, please don't make me leave."

Was it really that simple? Had I really made myself go through months of suffering when all I had to do was say out loud all the things that had been driving me out of my mind? I stepped toward John and his eyes lit up. I closed the last few feet and eased my hands around his neck, my face nuzzling the side of John's neck, letting out an unsteady breath. My lips trailed across his cheek, making my way to his mouth. Our mouths were a breath away from touching when I jumped as the vibration from John's phone pulsed against my leg. A sick feeling settled in my stomach and I ripped the phone from his pocket and looked at the screen. It was a text from, who else, but Randy Orton.

"Where are you?"

I wanted to throw the phone against the wall and smash it to pieces like John had just done to my heart. I was beyond stupid to believe anything that came out of John Cena's mouth. I read the text aloud to John whose face fell with every syllable.

"Are you double booking now? Get me back under your thumb and then go crawling to Orton afterwards. You're beyond sick. Get the fuck out now before I castrate you and make you useless to your precious Randy," I shouted, throwing the phone back at him that he fumbled to catch. He didn't move so I advanced on him shoving him backwards until his back hit the door.

"Phil…"

Hearing my name on his lips was the last straw. I jammed my forearm across his throat, restricting his airway so I didn't have to hear one more word cross his lips.

"Every word that comes out of your mouth is a lie. I won't be falling for it ever again. I'm going to open the door and you are never going to come near me again. Go."

I pulled him back by his shirt until he was far enough away so that I could open the door. I thought I was going to have to physically throw him out. John looked at me with a defeated look and stepped into the hallway. I slammed the door behind him, standing close to the door so I could hear his steps fading away as he walked away from my room.

_AN: Thank you so much for your awesome reviews. I was totally blown away after worrying that you guys might not be on board for this story. Hope you enjoy the update!_


	5. Chapter 5

As John's steps faded away as he walked down the hall I took a few deep breaths, trying to calm myself. The lamp from the bedside table had been hurled at the wall, breaking into pieces, before I even realized that I had picked it up. I had hoped that letting John in my room and tearing into him with full force would help me find some measure of closure. That plan had obviously failed spectacularly. It wasn't Orton's marital status and his text that kept stoking my anger but John's admission that he had known how I felt about him the whole time. I thought I had successfully hidden my feelings but apparently I wasn't as good at putting on a false face as I thought I was. How long had John known? If it dated back to when he was with Orton he had to know how much it was hurting me. I must have looked like some love sick fool to John. No wonder he had shown up at my door after WrestleMania. John had been looking for easy affection after Orton broke up with him, so of course he would show up at the door of the guy who was foolishly still panting after him.

I wanted to keep trashing my room but I restrained myself. Causing thousands of dollars' worth of damage would only stoke my anger, not relieve it. I began to undress and found the flash drive the backstage tech had given me as I was leaving the arena. At the speed that he had ran away I knew I wasn't going to be happy about what I was about to view. The screen of my laptop showed the ending of the show. Seeing myself clothesline the Rock until he was barely conscious was gratifying. I watched myself walk away and finally found out why the backstage tech had given me the drive. On commentary Lawler proclaimed that I had turned my back on the WWE Universe. Of course, with Lawler's love of excessive hyperbole he would make a blanket statement like that.

I was beyond tired with pandering to the fans and I'm sure most of them were getting tired of me as well. I could barely stomach my own behavior professionally over the past few months. I was pretending to be the person the WWE higher-up's wanted me to be but most days it made me feel like a huge fraud. There were so many times that there were vicious phrases on the tip of my tongue but I had to subdue the urge to vocally annihilate the person standing in the ring with me. I didn't want to be another John Cena and I had no idea why I let the farce carry on as long as it did. As long as my true fans stayed behind me I didn't need those fair-weather fans that only cheered me because of one promo. I would settle things with Lawler at the next Raw and let the chips fall as they may.

I spent the week on my tour bus blessedly alone, having been given the week off from the house shows to do autograph signings and other appearances. I was relived to not have a front row seat for John and Orton's revived relationship. My busy schedule that week kept John off my mind during the days but my nights were another story. When I was finally able to manage a few short hours of sleep my dreams, or nightmares really, were haunted with visions of John and Orton. Even with thousands of miles between us my brain seemed to revel in torturing me.

When my bus finally arrived at the arena I only had an hour to myself in my locker room until we were all evacuated from the arena due to a fire caused by pyrotechnics. Things like this were the reason why I had forbidden any use of pyrotechnics during my entrance no matter how many times they tried to get me to agree. I wasn't the ball dropping on New Year's Eve. I was just a guy walking down a ramp, which was where I found myself as Raw began. The crowd was more subdued than they usually were when I made my entrance and the relative silence was relieving. I entered the ring and signaled for a microphone. If I was still in the business of giving the fans whatever they wanted I would have straight up explained why I took the Rock out but I was out here for me, not them.

I screwed with the audience for a few minutes, leading them to believe I was going to give some sort of explanation for last week but that wasn't why I was in the ring. I stared Lawler down from the ring and then went through the ropes to the mat. I took off the Championship belt and slammed it down on the announce table. I sat down on the table itself leaving only a foot of space between me and Lawler. I was going to force him to own what he said about me. When Lawler didn't utter a single word I moved on to the Rock who had gone social media silent after our confrontation last week. While I played it off as if the Rock was afraid to respond to me, the truth was that it was just another insult. In the lead-up to his match with John he wouldn't shut up but for me he had nothing. It was just another in a long series of insults. I finally let loose the word that had been lingering in my head for months and months of matches as the WWE Champion but with only one main event on my resume…respect. I had been disrespected from the Board of Directors down to the lowliest booker on the WWE payroll. As emotionally frustrating as all that was it was John who had left them all behind in the dust. From here on out it was going to be all about me and everyone could go fuck themselves if they didn't fall in line.

As if on cue the Big Show came out to the ring interrupting me, daring to say that if he hadn't interfered I would have been beaten by John and then, if just saying his name would summon him, John came running out to the ring, laying into the Big Show as if I wasn't even there. I just leaned in the corner of the ring, the title slung over my shoulder. John and I were sharing a ring but he never looked at me once even though I was berating everything and everyone as AJ came out and made the match between John and Big Show to decide the #1 contender for the Championship. Just as John was leaving the ring he looked at me for a moment before glancing away quickly. I should have known AJ was going to be a problem for me the moment she was made the GM. If I had played along with AJ during her stalker phase I would have her in the palm of my hand right now, but doing that would have made me as low as John and I would be damned if I ever sunk that far.

When I made my way to the gorilla position I was stopped by the same backstage tech that had handed me the flash drive after last week's Raw. He handed me a headset without comment. It was one of the production guys from the truck asking if I would do commentary for the #1 contenders match at the end of the show. I was happy to agree. I had let loose my wrath on John in private and a chance to mock him on live TV was too good of an opportunity to pass up. That and I enjoyed doing commentary for any reason. I handed the headset back with as nice a smile that I could muster. There were so few people that were honestly on my side and this was one bridge that I didn't want to burn. These were the guys that thoughtfully put odd weapons under the ring. You never knew when you'd want to blast someone in the head with a fire extinguisher.

I walked back to the monitor bay and found Chris in deep conversation with Christian, his one time partner in crime, one time enemy, and now they seemed as much friends as they always had. In the WWE allies and enemies were fluid, as evidenced by Chris' and my friendship. I took my seat next to them. They didn't include me in their conversation but it didn't bother me one bit. I probably wouldn't be entertaining in the least right now anyway, my thoughts jumbled so much that even my talent for self-examination had been found lacking as of late. I felt someone settle in the seat next to me and I didn't even bother to turn. There was only one person who would dare to enter the circle of protection that Chris and I wove around us.

"Hey Kofi. I heard you're taking on O'Neil tonight. If I have to watch any more foolish victory dancing I'm never letting you on my bus again."

"I need to apologize to you. I shouldn't have tried to physically force you after Raw. I don't know what I was thinking, if I was thinking at all. I'm so sorry."

I wouldn't turn to face John full on but I could see him out the corner of my eye.

"Didn't I say never to speak to me again unless it was absolutely necessary?"

"I think apologizing was entirely necessary. I just couldn't let that lie. I did exactly what you said in the ring. I didn't touch you, I didn't look at you except for the once. I'm trying, that has to count for something."

"It counts for nothing, just as it should. There is nothing between us, not anymore."

John fidgeted for a moment before I saw his arm come into my frame of vision and watched as he set an envelope in my lap.

"You said I couldn't touch you, couldn't talk to you, you never said I couldn't write."

I picked the envelope up and turned to look John in the eye, watching his face fall when I tore that envelope into four pieces, letting them fall to the floor. John jumped up from his seat, practically running for the hallway.

I turned my attention away from the paper at my feet and watched as Daniel came apart at the seams. It was hilarious and brought the hint of a smile to my face. Christian and Chris' match was highly entertaining. They were as seamless in the ring as if there hadn't been years since they were in the ring together. It was finally time for John and Big Show's match and I made my way out to ringside. For the first few minutes of the match I watched as Big Show manhandled John. Usually when I was on commentary you couldn't shut me up but I was still thinking about that letter I had torn up and let drop to my feet. Knowing John it was probably pages full of pointless apologies which I didn't want to read but that didn't stop me from thinking about it.

The match made its way to ringside and out of nowhere I found myself thrown to the ground with John on top of me. We were laid out on the ground right next to one and other but not touching until John rolled to his side, his body pressing against me. I pushed him away. He recovered more quickly than I did but I was in a state that could only be described as sheer panic. It had nothing to do with what happened after Raw but had everything to do with that fucking letter. John wouldn't just let the tenuous strings between us be severed and I would be damned if I had to face him at SummerSlam.

I jumped into the ring, just in time to prevent John from AA-ing Big Show. The bell rung to end the match and I just attacked, giving Big Show a vicious kick to the head because he was the only one still standing. I grabbed a mic and my belt telling the crowd that they were both losers. I made my way backstage, all the way to the monitor bay, just in time to catch AJ setting up a Triple Threat match for SummerSlam. I took off back to the arena, laying into AJ for putting me in a situation where John and I would continue to be tied together. I knew why AJ was doing this to me; hell hath no fury like a woman scorned and all that. I kept screaming about the rampant disrespect that I had been shown that night; first Jerry, then John, and now AJ. I turned on my heel and headed to the locker room, desperate to get out of this arena. I didn't even bother to shower, pulling my clothes on over my gear. I was walking to the back lot of the arena when I heard my name being called. I turned around and saw Christian running towards me. He pressed something into my hand and hurried away. I looked down and saw the pieces of the letter John had given me, still in the same state I had left it, obviously unread. I shoved it into my bag and took off for my bus before anything else could happen, even though I couldn't imagine how this night could get any worse.

_AN: Thank you for your great reviews. I've hit a wall with Secret Life but I find this story still has a little inspiration going for it. The next chapter will definitely be in an epistolary form so I'm not going to torture you for very long…I think._


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